on cicadas and complex emotions
It started as a distant drone. Then, I noticed them—the highly anticipated cicadas—clinging to a pine tree on a walk. Many lying still and stunned, newly hatched from their exoskeletons on our neighborhood trails. Over the next few days, my walks took on a new purpose as I moved them off the trail and out of harm’s way from runners and cyclists.
Their exoskeletons decorated fences, the undersides of leaves, birdhouses, and just about anything else they could cling to. By week’s end they fluttered among the tree canopies. My son and I clapped in celebration as the wings of a hatched cicada took to the treetops.
Last month the celestial stage was graced with a solar eclipse. This month the terrestrial stage debuts a historic emergence of two broods of periodical cicadas. (Annual cicadas hatch every year. These periodical cicadas live as nymphs underground for 13-17 years).
As these marvels of nature rose from the ground, I noticed a variety of feelings rising in me. There was wonderment, excitement, a sense of protection. There was also dread, fear, and irritation as I anticipated the imminent noise they would make. The relative peace and quiet of my deck would soon be overcome with a constant drone of two layers of sound—the grinding of annual cicadas and the siren-like rattling of the periodical cicadas. Females clicking their wings; males creating vibrations in their abdomens. The spring bird song that brought delight in recent weeks would be partially eclipsed.
Was I feeling ambivalence? Or just a bag of mixed feelings? After some reflection, I was able to name my experience as awe. Awe. Awesome. Awful. All of these words swirled around in my consciousness.
Awe is usually considered a positive emotion but is an alchemy of many emotions—amazement, wonder, surprise, reverence, and fear. Awe is derived from the Old English egemeaning “terror, dread.” Awe is expansive as we hold multiple feelings at once. It moves us to reflect on the world and truths beyond ourselves.
The range of emotions we experience on a daily basis can be deep and wide. And we can have contradictory feelings simultaneously. Cicadas can be both amazing and annoying at the same time. But when approached with compassion and curiosity, they are in fact awe-inspiring.
Awe:
an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime. (Merriam Webster)
Awe keeps the company of other complex emotions, including envy, guilt, and hope. These combine at least two basic emotions (such as happiness, sadness, and anger) and require self-reflection. We can also meet these complex emotions with compassion and curiosity. Offering gentleness to ourselves as we ponder the uncertainties, ask the questions, seek answers, and discover more mystery. We may also offer gratitude for the depth of emotions that we experience as human beings as well as for the things that evoke awe.
life cycles ~ abundance ~ metamorphosis
Nature is a great teacher. And this season of cicadas teaches me about awe and beyond as my inner and outer landscapes continue to intermingle. I am in awe of these periodical cicadas as they embody the passage of time and longer cyclical rhythms. For 13 and 17 years, they co-existed in my local habitat underground, feeding on the sap in tree roots. They embody abundance as they emerge en masse—an offering of nourishment to a variety of wildlife. The bluebird hatchlings in the nest box in our front yard. The squirrel who loves to drink from our birdbath and sun on our deck.
Like many winged creatures, cicadas embody the miracle of metamorphosis, reminding me of the transformations I’ve experienced through my life stages. I’ve felt as if I’ve shed my own exoskeleton of sorts and emerged stunned with new wings multiple times. Particularly as a newlywed, then through profound grief, new motherhood, and now in mid-life. My metamorphoses will continue as will the life cycles of cicadas.
In the meantime, the birds continue to sing. The baby bunnies continue to munch on clover in the side yard. The dragonflies continue to dart around in search of mosquitoes. And for this season, I will retreat inside more where it’s a bit quieter and continue to rescue newly hatched cicadas on my daily walks.
an invitation
You may want to reflect on moments in your life when you’ve felt awe. Try to name the myriad of feelings you experienced.
Perhaps you’d like to extend gratitude for these moments and for the depth and breadth of emotions you possess.
You may be led to express these reflections in the form of a poem, a journal entry, or blessing for the experiences that evoked awe in you.
